I don't claim to know much about women, but I know enough about what I see going on around me in the lives of other couples and there are some striking similarities and differences between relationships that work and those that don't. Now don't get me wrong, I don't have all the answers here about women and I want to make it clear that the following suggestions are just that...they are suggestions to man that I know will work if you want to have an amazing relationship with your wife.
I married my bride almost 14 years ago now and I can honestly tell you that I love her more today than the day I wed her. We have come to a point where I can see when I do certain things for her every day, I see her react in very different ways every time. I will state categorically that I do not suggest to any man that these things will guarantee your marriage better success, but I do know they work for me. Let me explain a few key points to my brothers first.
I believe if each of us men are truly honest and ask ourselves why we got married in the first place I am sure the responses would vary from guy to guy but overall we could assume men married for Love most of all...I mean really, what else could there be?
Most every guy I know goes through the same process of courtship while developing a relationship that turns into marriage; we use the usual tactics to woo our loves; poetry, song, wine, gifts, flowers, and dates galore. Now of course some of us guys are better at wooing than others and I believe (my opinion) it is our attitude toward our significant other that determines how our marriage life grows.
Most of us men usually stop our courtship routine once we have settled into a routine with our new bride, complacency settles in, we begin to move into a state of simply co-existing. Life becomes mundane, even routine from day to day. I firmly believe that we must be intentional in keeping our relationships strong just as we were intentional in developing the relationship when we first met our lady love.
This can be difficult for some men to continue over the long course of a relationship, simply because most men are selfish, takers for themselves instead of givers to others. Of course the camp of men will strongly disagree with some of these statements, but I challenge these men to look at your own results with your relationship with your spouse or girlfriend and compare your results to what you do for you over what you do for her. Quite simply it boils down to this:
Do you give to yourself more than you give to her on a daily basis?
Now I'm not talking about giving in to her every little whim and whimper. I am talking about creating an air of surprise in your relationship on a daily basis. This involves putting your spouse before you. Men must break the routine that settles in their lives and go back to courting her like you did when you met.
These little things go a long way:
Bring her coffee each morning, even coffee in bed!
Compliment her often, tell her you love her, tell her she is beautiful. I tell my wife she is a blessing to me all the time.
What puts a smile on her face? Each of us knows exactly what makes her happy: Happy wife, happy life!
Encourage her when she is doubtful or afraid, she is looking to us to be strong in the family and if we do not lead then she will be forced to. This alone will cause strife in your life with her.
Get up and help her with dinner, and then with the cleanup; just because you are king of your castle does not mean you get to have her as a slave.
Make her breakfast or dinner or lunch...cook anything from time to time! Every man has a meal he can prepare well and if you don't then learn one!
Raise your children to be respectful of her, they will mimic and copy you; the way you treat your spouse is the way they will treat her. If your children are disrespectful and argumentative with their mother it is because they see it with you. If you have children who are estranged with their mother and or you it is possibly because it started first with you and the way you treated your spouse. They learned it from you! It is a man's responsibility to lead in his house, yes your wife is your partner and your equal but the ultimate authority in the house falls on a man's shoulders. She will begin to despise you if she has to make all the decisions for the house.
Talk to your wife every day, tell her you love her every day.
Open the car door for her, more than once a year!
Introduce your wife to new people before you start into any conversation. If your wife has to introduce herself to anyone in your presence you have already slipped up.
Defend your wife if any man slights her in or out of your presence. If she has to defend herself, she of course will, but it is your job to do this and she will respect you more if you protect her from slander. Of course, she must also keep a civil tongue and not bring strife upon the family through a disrespectful tongue.
Never let the sun go down on your anger with her. She deserves our ear. Her responsibilities as wife, and mother are great. Stop trying to solve her problems, many times she only wants us to listen!
Take your wife on a date...more than once a year! There are 365 days in the year...that means you have 365 daily opportunities to impress her!
Ultimately each man has to look at his own life and decide if he is doing enough to keep his relationship fresh and exciting with his wife. Look honestly at what you do for her and stop expecting her to do anything for you. Trust me when I say this to you: If you give more than you expect to receive then you are doing a good thing.
If you expect her to be your hand maiden and sex slave just because you think you deserve it then you have missed the point entirely. This mentality will only bring you strife and sorrow in your relationship for this is not respectful.
Look at what you have in your possessions. If you treat her less than you treat your truck, you have missed the point of relationship. Do you not think she knows you love your truck more than her?
Finally this admonishment to my fellow man,
Love her, she is your gift from God, your blessing. If you see her as anything else, go back to that time when you first met her. Look at her again with new eyes and never forget why God has put you together. Get out of your own way and live your life together as God intended.
In Love
Mike
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